


Peculiar Requirements

by happyspacelesbian



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: M/M, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18564625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyspacelesbian/pseuds/happyspacelesbian
Summary: Alex asks Miles a question that made me have an existential crisis today lmao





	Peculiar Requirements

**Author's Note:**

> this is silly i apologise

Alex was sitting on Miles's  _disgusting_ leather sofa, flicking through his favourite book -  _200 pasta dishes_. He couldn't cook (when it came to food he relied completely on Miles or his girlfriends) but he enjoyed looking at the beautiful photos of different pastas. While the leader of the [Arctic Monkeys](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arctic_Monkeys) was engrossed in his culinary fantasies, his best friend plopped down on the ugly sofa next to him and opened up a beer. Miles put his legs up on the coffee table, lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

"Mi" said Alex quietly.

"Yes, love?" the younger man sipped on his beer.

"Do you have to have a daddy kink to become a sugar daddy?"

Miles choked on his beverage. Alex, wanting to be a good friend, patted him on the back and looked at him with a confused expression. When the Scouser finally caught his breath, he squeaked:

"What the fuck, Al."

And then,

"For the love of God, why were you thinking about sugar daddies?" the Northerner blushed and turned his head away. He got up from the fucking atrocious piece of furniture and started pacing around the living room. "Do you want a sugar daddy? Christ, do you want to  _be_ a sugar daddy?!"

Alex started tugging his own hair "It's just... I've been so uh... sexually frustrated since I broke up with Louise that I may have started considering becoming one?"

Miles ran a hand down his face. "Can't you go to a pub and pick up some lass to make you feel better? You dumb bitch." The second sentence caused the Northerner to glare at him.

"I don't just feel horny, I'm lonely too. I need to sleep and wake up next to someone, be able to hold them, I-" he stopped abruptly and sighed "You know how it is, Miles."

He did. Alex's need to be in a relationship, the way he craved the feeling of safety it provided, did not go unnoticed by his best friend. They rarely ever talked about it, and when they did - they argued. Miles insisted that relying his fragile mental health on someone who was not a professional wasn't healthy but Alex disagreed (has the man never seen  _Hannibal_ before?).

"Go on a date then, Alex. I can introduce you to one of my friends if you don't feel like going out and asking random girls for their numbers."

"Yeah, because that worked out _so_ well the last time" snapped Alex.

"Not my fault you actually fell in love with her" the Scouser retorted and went back to sipping on the beer.

The Northerner cracked a bitter smile at his friend and stretched his arms out in front of him. "She had a cute dog and a long strap-on, loving her was inevitable. Now, give us the ciggie." Miles took a last drag of the cigarette, passed it to the other man and promptly had a coughing fit. (He really should've quit last year but all hopes of dealing with his nicotine addiction were left in the past when he realised the smell of cigarettes reminded him of home and Alex which made the lonely evenings on tour easier.) "Hey" Alex mumbled "you still haven't answered my question." The younger man smiled weakly at his attempt at lightening the mood.

"Oh, fuck off, Al. Please stop thinking about being a sugar daddy. We both know you could never actually do that" he held out his hand for the Northerner. "Come here" he added, and when Alex's fingers wrapped around his own he pulled the man down on the horrendous sofa next to him.

They sat there cuddled up for what could've been minutes or hours (time always passed by differently when they were together), occasionally passing cigarettes to one another and enjoying the comfortable silence that surrounded them.  After a while, Miles started running his fingers through Alex's hair which caused the other man to sigh quietly and hide his face in the crook of the Scouser's neck.

"You know" Miles broke the peaceful silence and tightened his grip on the Northerner's hair "we could always have some fun and see if you have that daddy kink..."

Alex started cackling like a witch and with a breathy "Shut up, idiot" he slapped Miles's thigh and the younger man started laughing too. The silly conversation somehow evolved into a tickle fight and what was said earlier had been forgotten.

Eventually, they calmed down, curled back up on the sofa together and Miles returned to petting his best friend's hair. As Alex snuggled closer to his best friend his breathing started to even out. The Scouser's hand tightened its grip in the shorter man's hair yet again, except this time Miles used it to lift the Northerner's head from its place in the crook of his own neck.

"Hey Al... I wasn't joking when I said that we should test out your daddy kink..." he murmured. 

"Oh thank fuck" responded Alex, ever the eloquent lad, and pressed their lips together.

 

 

(“Daddy!”

“Oh my God, _I knew it_!”

“Just shut up, Miles”

“Aw, I was ‘daddy’ five seconds ago and now I’m ‘Miles’ again? You hurt my feelings, darling”

“If you don’t go back to fucking me, I swear to God your feelings won’t be the only part of you I hurt tonight”

“Bossy”

“ _Shut up_ ”)

**Author's Note:**

> pls don't kill me this was written as a joke
> 
> i fucking hate miles's sofa it's disgusting i want to destroy it
> 
> comments make me very happy


End file.
